Oh, the thin ladies. This has been a point of discussion in a couple places recently, so I decided to throw in my $0.03. Gotta take inflation into account, dontcha know?
When I'm at my most energized, when I'm having a great day, when I'm ready to take the bull by the horns and logic it to death, then I talk about fat acceptance. When I'm feeling tired, and I'm having a crappy day, and I can barely manage to throw a QED at the bull, then I talk about body acceptance. You see, body acceptance is palatable to a lot of people already, at least the beginnings of it. To say, "hey, my body's ok!" is something that we've all heard for a very long time. And, because "fat" isn't in the name, it doesn't force people to think about those other bodies. You know the ones. And even though they're talking to me, a fat woman (~230 lbs, for context), for some reason it's still easy to ignore other fat bodies. Maybe they're just so blown away by my awesome that they think "of course we should accept Shoshie's body. She's just so damn shmexy!" I mean, it's totally possible.
But the same people who smile, nod, and let me ramble about body acceptance, start to get forhead wrinkles if I say the same things, but call it fat acceptance. Because now they've got a headless fatty mind invasion. They're not thinking of me, their good 'ol fat pal who they know takes dance lessons and buys into a farm share and goes on hikes with them. Now they're thinking of Homer Simpson in a muumuu eating donuts. That they have a bit more trouble smiling along with.
But here's the thing. Most fat people AREN'T Homer Simpson in a muumuu. And while we do need overall body acceptance, fat acceptance fills a different need. Average-to-thin sized women complain about not being able to find clothing that fits well. But fat women can't find clothing to even try on. Everyone is being told to trim down here and wear these clothes and your eyelashes are too short why don't you have longer eyelashes! But fat women are told that everything is wrong. You can't even partition your body into acceptable parts and innacceptable parts because the whole thing is wrong. And thin people will never be denied a job or an airplane seat because of their size.
Don't get me wrong, people are harassed for being thin. And it sucks and it's wrong. No one's voice should be marginalized. But the fact is, that for every person telling a thin woman to eat a sandwich, there's a million other sources telling her that she is the ideal. And that it would be the worst thing in the world if that were ever to change. For ever insensitive asshole who jokes about bulimia, there's 10 more who encourage thinness, and not just other insensitive assholes, but parents, doctors, teachers, mentors. They'll mask it by saying it's for health, and they don't want the person to be REALLY thin, just an "ideal weight." However, that so-called ideal weight is just as unatainnable as any picture of a supermodel.
Seriously. Really truely. And to be told your whole life by, not only the popular media, but by doctors and friends and parents and people you really trust that this is the body for you and you have failed by not getting there yet and you will always fail and you are a failure daring to sit there and watch tv or enjoy food even for a moment...
Well, that's just not something that thin people have to deal with very often. If they do, it's called abuse. But it is a very common experience for fat people. And if it doesn't happen, well then it's sometimes called abuse or neglect. That is where the fat experience differs and why we absolutely need a fat acceptance movement, maybe alongside a general body acceptance movement.
So what can you do if you're thin and you want to help fight the good fight?
1. Acknowledge your privelege. Acknowledge that, while things may suck for you on the body positivity front, if you weighed 100 lbs more things would be much, much harder. Don't believe me? How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow weighing that 100 lbs more? How would your life change? Would you feel angry? Would you feel cheated? Would you feel ashamed? What if you had a class reunion next week. Would you go?
2. Speak out against fat hatred. Jokes about fat people aren't funny, just like jokes about Jews, or people of color, or little people, or women, or people with disabilities aren't funny. Call people out on their bullshit. It's sad, but it'll mean more to them if it comes from you than if it comes from a fat person.
3. Be senstive when shopping or discussing clothing with fat friends. Go into plus size stores with them and tell them they look fabulous. Note: only do this if they've told you that they shop in plus size stores. Some people are really sensitive about that. I used to lie about where I got my clothing.
4. Don't make assumptions. About anyone. Don't assume that your fat friends are sedentary or eat unhealthfully. If they do, don't badger them about it. They're probably aware.
5. If a fat friend is complaining that she can't find anything to wear, or she's so fed up about our thin culture, don't get defensive, don't make it about you. Don't try to relate to her by saying that you also have such a hard time finding clothing and you totally don't look like a supermodel either. It's not the same, and you know it. Listen to her. Let her cry on your shoulder or rant or whatever she needs, and then tell her that she's awesome.
These aren't all easy things, but they're important. If you want to be an ally, that's wonderful! But please please PLEASE listen to what people have to say, first and foremost. If you haven't lived in a fat body, then you have a lot to learn about that experience. Please try to do that learning before getting annoyed or defensive. And if you want to talk about how hard it is to be a thin person in America, well, blogger accounts are free.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Oh, how I love the Onion
I know I've been a bad, bad fatty and haven't updated in way too long, but I just had to share this gem of an article:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/study_abstinence_only_lunch?utm_source=facebook_1
Hopefully I'll have a more substantial post at some point, but for now enjoy the hilarity.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/study_abstinence_only_lunch?utm_source=facebook_1
Hopefully I'll have a more substantial post at some point, but for now enjoy the hilarity.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Speaking to My Father: A success story
I've always been a daddy's girl. I couldn't tell you why. I love my mom, but we always fought a lot. Again, couldn't tell you why. However, the one area where I continually sided with my mom over the years was weight. I inherited my mother's body type. Going back as far as I can tell, women in her family are strong, Eastern European matriarchs, built for surviving famine and bearing children. My mom and I went to Weight Watchers together. We did South Beach Diet together. We braved shopping malls together. I think it hurt her to see me suffer through the same humiliations during those shopping trips that she had. She wanted me to be thin, because she knew how hard it was not to be. My brother is also built like my mother's family. He's not fat, but solid and broad. Like I'm told my grandfather was.
My dad is the opposite. He was a thin child who ran cross-country in high school and grew up to be a thin adult. He'll deny it, pointing the the small paunch that he developed during middle age, but nonetheless he's still very thin.
When my brother and I were growing up, my dad was the biggest proponent of diets and exercise. He'd often bemoan that we inherited my mother's genes instead of his. He was never abusive or shaming, but would clearly be disappointed when I inevitably gained weight back after stopping a diet. Every semester when I came back from college, within the first hour or two of arriving there would be some comment (positive or negative) about my weight. It was something important to him. So I was worried about what he'd think when I told him that I was no longer dieting.
It didn't come up intentionally. He's way more interested in exercise than my mother is, so I usually share my exercise exploits with him. My fiance and I went kayaking on Sunday for two hours. We're starting to exercise together, and I'm teaching him how to weight lift.
"You know," he said, "I read recently that weight training doesn't actually raise your metabolism. Maybe you want to try something else."
So I explained some stuff to him. I explained that I don't do it to lose weight. I explained that I love feeling my body get stronger. I explained that it helps my tendonitis and my back. I explained that it's fun. And I explained why I don't care that it may not raise your metabolism. I don't diet any more, I told him.
He was confused, at first. And concerned. So I explained some more. I cited studies that diets don't work. I reminded him how much I'd tried and how little it worked. I told him about trying to cut out all-but-homemade sweets (both fiance and I have family history of diabetes and would like to keep it as history, but we LOVE baking) and buying a farm share for the season to make sure we're getting enough vegetables (also cheap-ish and local and organic!). I told him about hiking in the mountains and possibly buying a kayak (WANT). And I told him that my doctors say I'm healthy. Low blood pressure, low cholesterol, normal blood glucose (despite a maybe-kinda-possible diagnosis of PCOS).
He listened. And he agreed. Even conceded that Mom had better health stats than he did, so maybe I'm right and a lot of this stuff is genetic.
"All I care about is that you're healthy and happy, and you seem to be both of those. Love you, Shanni."
"I love you too, Dad."
My dad is the opposite. He was a thin child who ran cross-country in high school and grew up to be a thin adult. He'll deny it, pointing the the small paunch that he developed during middle age, but nonetheless he's still very thin.
When my brother and I were growing up, my dad was the biggest proponent of diets and exercise. He'd often bemoan that we inherited my mother's genes instead of his. He was never abusive or shaming, but would clearly be disappointed when I inevitably gained weight back after stopping a diet. Every semester when I came back from college, within the first hour or two of arriving there would be some comment (positive or negative) about my weight. It was something important to him. So I was worried about what he'd think when I told him that I was no longer dieting.
It didn't come up intentionally. He's way more interested in exercise than my mother is, so I usually share my exercise exploits with him. My fiance and I went kayaking on Sunday for two hours. We're starting to exercise together, and I'm teaching him how to weight lift.
"You know," he said, "I read recently that weight training doesn't actually raise your metabolism. Maybe you want to try something else."
So I explained some stuff to him. I explained that I don't do it to lose weight. I explained that I love feeling my body get stronger. I explained that it helps my tendonitis and my back. I explained that it's fun. And I explained why I don't care that it may not raise your metabolism. I don't diet any more, I told him.
He was confused, at first. And concerned. So I explained some more. I cited studies that diets don't work. I reminded him how much I'd tried and how little it worked. I told him about trying to cut out all-but-homemade sweets (both fiance and I have family history of diabetes and would like to keep it as history, but we LOVE baking) and buying a farm share for the season to make sure we're getting enough vegetables (also cheap-ish and local and organic!). I told him about hiking in the mountains and possibly buying a kayak (WANT). And I told him that my doctors say I'm healthy. Low blood pressure, low cholesterol, normal blood glucose (despite a maybe-kinda-possible diagnosis of PCOS).
He listened. And he agreed. Even conceded that Mom had better health stats than he did, so maybe I'm right and a lot of this stuff is genetic.
"All I care about is that you're healthy and happy, and you seem to be both of those. Love you, Shanni."
"I love you too, Dad."
Friday, May 15, 2009
Fun with BMI calculators
So, I haven't used a BMI calculator in forever, but I decided to futz around with one today, just for the hell of it.
To put my weight in context, I frequently takes walks upwards of 3 miles, often upwards of 5. The limiting factor in my walks seems to be shoe comfort and chafing, if I'm wearing a skirt. If I'm wearing comfortable shoes and jeans, I haven't yet met my walking limit (in a single time period), but it's somewhere past 8 miles. I do suck at walking up hills and stairs, but I get myself around. A hill certainly hasn't stopped me from my urban hiking. :)
I wear about a size 20, give or take.
My blood pressure is in the normal range. My cholesterol is low.
Now for the punchline: I currently weigh anywhere between 235 and 245. I don't own a scale, but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere around there. I am a towering 5'2.5". This puts me at a bmi of *drumroll* 43.2. Approximately. I am officially DEATHFAT.
I think that would make a good superhero name.
Yes, according to the bmi calculator, I'm going to keel over tomorrow. So then I had a thought. Well, I haven't been at this weight very long. For various reasons (grad school, moving, fiance is lazy and his laziness crawls onto me and sits in my lap thereby preventing me from getting off my fat ass and making as healthful food as I would like or exercising as much as I should not that I'm pointing fingers...) I have gained about 10 lbs since I moved to Seattle. My weight was consistently 220-225 for my junior and senior years of college. It was also this amount before I started a whole bunch of diets and then gained back all the weight.
Go go BMI calculator: 39.6
Hey! No longer DEATHFAT. Under a BMI of 40 I was merely SEVERLY obese, not MORBIDLY obese. Well then. I'd like to point out that during this time I was a VERY active college student with a job in a synthetic chemistry lab which required me to be up and about constantly. Every day. I didn't do the same level of LONG walking then as I do now, but I was walking everywhere because there were no buses and I had no car. Hmm. Ok.
Well, what about at my thinest, I wonder. In high school, I went on a bunch of diets. I did weight watchers and lost 18 lbs. I went on South Beach diet and lost about 40. In about 4 months. Aieeek. So, at my thinest I was 170 lbs. I wore a size 14 in jeans and, depending on the cut, could often fit into a size 12. In pictures from my senior year I look healthy (even though I was skating the edge of an eating disorder) and, though not skinny, not particularly fat.
Let's check out the BMI calculator's opinion: 30.6
Still obese. Had I dropped a mere four lbs lower, I would have traversed the boundary from obese to merely overweight.
It seems so silly. So incredibly ridiculous. I walk more than I did in high school. I certainly eat better. I'm happier and more organized. I have my shit together way better now than I did in high school. But in high school I was almost not obese.
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this was. Does it have one at all? I feel like there should be some major change in my life, since I went from severly obese to morbidly obese. Start the sirens, this is one big girl. But really all I want is a cape with the initials DF. Oh, and to maybe not be told that I'm going to cack it tomorrow when I'm clearly not.
Unless a certain car of evil that almost hit me last week decides to run another red light when I'm in the crosswalk. Freakin' SUVs.
To put my weight in context, I frequently takes walks upwards of 3 miles, often upwards of 5. The limiting factor in my walks seems to be shoe comfort and chafing, if I'm wearing a skirt. If I'm wearing comfortable shoes and jeans, I haven't yet met my walking limit (in a single time period), but it's somewhere past 8 miles. I do suck at walking up hills and stairs, but I get myself around. A hill certainly hasn't stopped me from my urban hiking. :)
I wear about a size 20, give or take.
My blood pressure is in the normal range. My cholesterol is low.
Now for the punchline: I currently weigh anywhere between 235 and 245. I don't own a scale, but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere around there. I am a towering 5'2.5". This puts me at a bmi of *drumroll* 43.2. Approximately. I am officially DEATHFAT.
I think that would make a good superhero name.
Yes, according to the bmi calculator, I'm going to keel over tomorrow. So then I had a thought. Well, I haven't been at this weight very long. For various reasons (grad school, moving, fiance is lazy and his laziness crawls onto me and sits in my lap thereby preventing me from getting off my fat ass and making as healthful food as I would like or exercising as much as I should not that I'm pointing fingers...) I have gained about 10 lbs since I moved to Seattle. My weight was consistently 220-225 for my junior and senior years of college. It was also this amount before I started a whole bunch of diets and then gained back all the weight.
Go go BMI calculator: 39.6
Hey! No longer DEATHFAT. Under a BMI of 40 I was merely SEVERLY obese, not MORBIDLY obese. Well then. I'd like to point out that during this time I was a VERY active college student with a job in a synthetic chemistry lab which required me to be up and about constantly. Every day. I didn't do the same level of LONG walking then as I do now, but I was walking everywhere because there were no buses and I had no car. Hmm. Ok.
Well, what about at my thinest, I wonder. In high school, I went on a bunch of diets. I did weight watchers and lost 18 lbs. I went on South Beach diet and lost about 40. In about 4 months. Aieeek. So, at my thinest I was 170 lbs. I wore a size 14 in jeans and, depending on the cut, could often fit into a size 12. In pictures from my senior year I look healthy (even though I was skating the edge of an eating disorder) and, though not skinny, not particularly fat.
Let's check out the BMI calculator's opinion: 30.6
Still obese. Had I dropped a mere four lbs lower, I would have traversed the boundary from obese to merely overweight.
It seems so silly. So incredibly ridiculous. I walk more than I did in high school. I certainly eat better. I'm happier and more organized. I have my shit together way better now than I did in high school. But in high school I was almost not obese.
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this was. Does it have one at all? I feel like there should be some major change in my life, since I went from severly obese to morbidly obese. Start the sirens, this is one big girl. But really all I want is a cape with the initials DF. Oh, and to maybe not be told that I'm going to cack it tomorrow when I'm clearly not.
Unless a certain car of evil that almost hit me last week decides to run another red light when I'm in the crosswalk. Freakin' SUVs.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A Scary Part About Getting Married
I don't think I've mentioned on here, but the boy and I decided a couple months ago to get married. It was kind of a cool feministy proposal in that it kind of wasn't a proposal. He just said, hey, what do you think about getting married? And I said, yeah, that would be pretty cool. We talked about why and where and various details...and then that was it. We were engaged. Sweet.
So now I'm a bride-to-be, which is weird. And of course, the entire world thinks that the most important part of the wedding is how the bride looks. I'm so jealous of the future Mr. Shoshie and his simple, traditional kitel. Part of me wants to wear one too. 'Cause that would be feministy and stuff. Part of me is a fashionista and wants to wear something really awesome, because I can! Whoo! I can afford spiffy clothing! Yay! So, yes. I'm looking for a pretty dress. Which is actually really hard because the wedding fashion industry admits that fat brides exist, but only kinda and only if they're willing to try to fit into size 8 sample gowns in order to find THE DRESS (cue music). So I was reading some articles looking for tips on what kinds of dresses could look good on a chubby chica such as myself, and I stumbled on this beauty.
It frustrated me for a bunch of reasons. It gave the same old tired hints that don't actually work.
Hey guys! Wear empire waists! You can hide everything. Except your boobs. Never hide your boobs, because that's the only pretty part of your body.
Oh, except your face.
Don't wear fitted things, because we all know that you don't have a waist. At least not one anyone actually WANTS to see.
Don't have lots of details on your dress, even if you want to. It's about your face, silly. You have such a pretty face.
So now I am an angry fat bride. And I will get my revenge, by looking fabulous. And wearing a sweet dress that our family friend is making. And not growing out my hair because I like my short hair dammit. And damned if I'm trying to lose weight before the wedding.
Oh, and supposed plus size bride fashion experts? Empire waists make me look pregnant.
So now I'm a bride-to-be, which is weird. And of course, the entire world thinks that the most important part of the wedding is how the bride looks. I'm so jealous of the future Mr. Shoshie and his simple, traditional kitel. Part of me wants to wear one too. 'Cause that would be feministy and stuff. Part of me is a fashionista and wants to wear something really awesome, because I can! Whoo! I can afford spiffy clothing! Yay! So, yes. I'm looking for a pretty dress. Which is actually really hard because the wedding fashion industry admits that fat brides exist, but only kinda and only if they're willing to try to fit into size 8 sample gowns in order to find THE DRESS (cue music). So I was reading some articles looking for tips on what kinds of dresses could look good on a chubby chica such as myself, and I stumbled on this beauty.
It frustrated me for a bunch of reasons. It gave the same old tired hints that don't actually work.
Hey guys! Wear empire waists! You can hide everything. Except your boobs. Never hide your boobs, because that's the only pretty part of your body.
Oh, except your face.
Don't wear fitted things, because we all know that you don't have a waist. At least not one anyone actually WANTS to see.
Don't have lots of details on your dress, even if you want to. It's about your face, silly. You have such a pretty face.
So now I am an angry fat bride. And I will get my revenge, by looking fabulous. And wearing a sweet dress that our family friend is making. And not growing out my hair because I like my short hair dammit. And damned if I'm trying to lose weight before the wedding.
Oh, and supposed plus size bride fashion experts? Empire waists make me look pregnant.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Stumbling Blocks
Wellroundedtype2 just posted something about faith, asking how people thought their faith contributed to their own self-acceptance. As I've mentioned before (I think), I'm a Conservative Jew (with a big, not a little c). It's a pretty big part of my life. I keep kosher, I strictly observe the Sabbath (Shabbat) and holidays, and I'm active in my synagogue community. But I never once thought about how my fat acceptance worked with my faith or vice versa.
Thinking about it more, I can definitely find connections. Traditional Judaism puts a great level of respect on the past. That's a big part of my identity as a Conservative Jew. I believe that certain elements of the religions past may have become outdated, even harmful. The community is not put to shame if a woman gets up and leads the community. Because women are educated to the same level as men in our society, the same academic achievements can be expected and celebrated of both genders.
At the same time, one could argue that kashrut (Jewish dietary laws) is outmoded and clearly was a method of avoiding animals that often contained parasites or more bacteria. Now, we don't have the same problems, so those laws can be tossed out. However, Conservative Judaism says no, there is a level of respect we must give to the past. As long as it is not harmful to someone to keep kosher, the law should continue to be followed. And it is, even though women are now equal to men under Conservative Jewish law.
I think this respect for the past, struggling with it and playing with it, helped me to see past current standards of beauty. Things change, not always for the better. People who immediately discount "old" or "outdated" thinking miss something. So I clung to the notion that once-upon-a-time my body would not have been reviled. That got me through a lot, I think.
Jewish values also influence the way I live my life, mostly subconsciously. Ethical laws and statements have been quoted at me and by me so many times that there's no way they couldn't work their way into my day-to-day practices and notions of right and wrong. One oft-quoted bit of Torah states: "Don't taunt the deaf or place a stumbling block before the blind. Don't hate your friend in your heart." This has been interpreted broadly and I see it all the time in fat acceptance. Before I began accepting myself, I was blind and people were continually placing stumbling blocks in front of me. I was deaf and people were taunting me. I didn't know they were doing something wrong to me, but I suffered just the same. Because I had internalized so much fat hatred I agreed with them and took the stumbling blocks for helping hands, the taunts as praise or good intentions. I understand now that they weren't. Aren't.
And since I started educating myself and accepting my body, I've seen so much baseless hatred. Hatred of strangers and of friends. Jewish traditions says that this kind of hatred brought down the temple and led to exile. It's a terrible thing. And it is imperative that we fight it. Even though I'd never put words to it, my faith tells me to fight for my rights and fight against hatred. So I try. I've been pushing away stumbling blocks for over a year now. That's pretty cool.
Thinking about it more, I can definitely find connections. Traditional Judaism puts a great level of respect on the past. That's a big part of my identity as a Conservative Jew. I believe that certain elements of the religions past may have become outdated, even harmful. The community is not put to shame if a woman gets up and leads the community. Because women are educated to the same level as men in our society, the same academic achievements can be expected and celebrated of both genders.
At the same time, one could argue that kashrut (Jewish dietary laws) is outmoded and clearly was a method of avoiding animals that often contained parasites or more bacteria. Now, we don't have the same problems, so those laws can be tossed out. However, Conservative Judaism says no, there is a level of respect we must give to the past. As long as it is not harmful to someone to keep kosher, the law should continue to be followed. And it is, even though women are now equal to men under Conservative Jewish law.
I think this respect for the past, struggling with it and playing with it, helped me to see past current standards of beauty. Things change, not always for the better. People who immediately discount "old" or "outdated" thinking miss something. So I clung to the notion that once-upon-a-time my body would not have been reviled. That got me through a lot, I think.
Jewish values also influence the way I live my life, mostly subconsciously. Ethical laws and statements have been quoted at me and by me so many times that there's no way they couldn't work their way into my day-to-day practices and notions of right and wrong. One oft-quoted bit of Torah states: "Don't taunt the deaf or place a stumbling block before the blind. Don't hate your friend in your heart." This has been interpreted broadly and I see it all the time in fat acceptance. Before I began accepting myself, I was blind and people were continually placing stumbling blocks in front of me. I was deaf and people were taunting me. I didn't know they were doing something wrong to me, but I suffered just the same. Because I had internalized so much fat hatred I agreed with them and took the stumbling blocks for helping hands, the taunts as praise or good intentions. I understand now that they weren't. Aren't.
And since I started educating myself and accepting my body, I've seen so much baseless hatred. Hatred of strangers and of friends. Jewish traditions says that this kind of hatred brought down the temple and led to exile. It's a terrible thing. And it is imperative that we fight it. Even though I'd never put words to it, my faith tells me to fight for my rights and fight against hatred. So I try. I've been pushing away stumbling blocks for over a year now. That's pretty cool.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Unknown burdens
I recently started visiting a chiropractor for some back pain I was getting. I tried to ignore it for a while because I figured, hey, I'm a healthy 22 year old. Back pain should just resolve itself. Except it didn't, and I ended up getting woken up in the middle of the night on multiple occasions because of pain. Awesome.
So, I was wandering the Fremont Market a couple weeks ago and there was a chiropractor who was giving free evaluations. I figured that he may have some thoughts. As soon as I walked up to him he asked, "Wow...do you have back and shoulder pain?" I said, in fact I do. I've had this odd upper back pain the past few weeks and tendinitis in my shoulders for the past 5 years or so. He was really intrigued by the tendinitis and asked for a history, whether it had improved over the years (not really) and how it started/got diagnosed (no one knew/by some doctor who I can't remember). He gave me a certificate to come into his office for a full evaluation, which I did. He found that my upper spine is all out of wack, probably because of poor posture. In fact, this may be the original cause of the pain in my shoulders and elbows and why the doctors could never find a cause for "tendinitis." Worsening of the condition also explains the back pain. Cool. Even cooler, we're working a few times a week to get my spine back in alignment through physical therapy, which should stop the back pain and may cause lessening or complete remission of the pain in my shoulders.
Here's the punchline. I'm having a really hard time communicating whether or not pain is lessening because I've become so used to dealing with it. It's hard for me to tell what is normal muscle soreness because I'm working hard and what is caused by joints not working correctly.
Relating this to fat acceptance:
When I first started reading material on the movement, I remember thinking...wow. That's so true. And it shouldn't be. Wait, what? My brain had such a screwed up perception of my body and what it should be doing that I couldn't differentiate between normal eating habits and abnormal ones. Between crazy talk and non-crazy talk. They get so muddled that it's hard to separate the two.
So I basically had to perform realignment on my thinking (hah, see, it's a metaphor!) so I could differentiate between eating healthfully and disordered eating, exercising for physical and emotional health and compulsive overexercising to the detriment of my mental health. Just like maintaining good posture, this realignment is something I will need to continually work on to make sure that I don't fall back on bad habits. It's so easy to slouch. It's so easy to listen to the messages that say I am not allowed this food, I must be in constant motion, I'm not allowed to be happy. But, ultimately, slouching causes pain and problems, and it takes a whole lot of work to regain that lost ground. Especially when you can't remember what normal looks like.
So, I was wandering the Fremont Market a couple weeks ago and there was a chiropractor who was giving free evaluations. I figured that he may have some thoughts. As soon as I walked up to him he asked, "Wow...do you have back and shoulder pain?" I said, in fact I do. I've had this odd upper back pain the past few weeks and tendinitis in my shoulders for the past 5 years or so. He was really intrigued by the tendinitis and asked for a history, whether it had improved over the years (not really) and how it started/got diagnosed (no one knew/by some doctor who I can't remember). He gave me a certificate to come into his office for a full evaluation, which I did. He found that my upper spine is all out of wack, probably because of poor posture. In fact, this may be the original cause of the pain in my shoulders and elbows and why the doctors could never find a cause for "tendinitis." Worsening of the condition also explains the back pain. Cool. Even cooler, we're working a few times a week to get my spine back in alignment through physical therapy, which should stop the back pain and may cause lessening or complete remission of the pain in my shoulders.
Here's the punchline. I'm having a really hard time communicating whether or not pain is lessening because I've become so used to dealing with it. It's hard for me to tell what is normal muscle soreness because I'm working hard and what is caused by joints not working correctly.
Relating this to fat acceptance:
When I first started reading material on the movement, I remember thinking...wow. That's so true. And it shouldn't be. Wait, what? My brain had such a screwed up perception of my body and what it should be doing that I couldn't differentiate between normal eating habits and abnormal ones. Between crazy talk and non-crazy talk. They get so muddled that it's hard to separate the two.
So I basically had to perform realignment on my thinking (hah, see, it's a metaphor!) so I could differentiate between eating healthfully and disordered eating, exercising for physical and emotional health and compulsive overexercising to the detriment of my mental health. Just like maintaining good posture, this realignment is something I will need to continually work on to make sure that I don't fall back on bad habits. It's so easy to slouch. It's so easy to listen to the messages that say I am not allowed this food, I must be in constant motion, I'm not allowed to be happy. But, ultimately, slouching causes pain and problems, and it takes a whole lot of work to regain that lost ground. Especially when you can't remember what normal looks like.
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